You look the guard in the eyes. “Leldorin,” you tell him, “and I’m just passing through. I need a room for the night and I’ll be on my way in the morning.”
“Well,” he says, “it’s not exactly, uh, safe in the, uh, city right now.” The guard begins to shift uneasily under your gaze. You have discovered in your travels that one way to intimidate these city dwellers is to make eye contact for a long period of time, something that is completely normal in your culture. At first this was accidental; you just didn’t understand the social norms of people outside of Ralas Than. Now, however, you’ve learned to use this simple trick to make people think twice about whether to mess with you.
The guard takes a step back and looks over at the gate, happy to break the eye contact. “You see, we have to guard the gate to keep any more o’ them little bastards from sneaking into the city.”
You frown. “Illegitimate children have been sneaking into the city…?” Sometimes you just don’t understand human culture. In Ralas Than a bastard, an incredibly rare occurrence, is ceremonially castrated and raised as a priest. In your experience it seems humans send them to orphanages to be raised in squalor and thievery.
“What’r you talking ‘bout?” the guard asks.
“Not bastards,” the second guard (the lazy one) says. He holds his hand at mid-thigh. “Gobs,” he says. “Ya’ know? Little folk? Beady red eyes like a rabbit, sharp teeth like a dog? Cowards and packrats, they is.”
“Oh,” you say, realization setting in. “You mean goblins have been sneaking into the city. Why didn’t you just say so?” you ask.
“But, I did say so!” The first guard is looking at you like you must be soft in the head.
“Anyway,” the lazy guard says, “it ain’t exactly safe on the streets right abou’ now. Gobs love to come out at night, they do, picking out thems that are all alone. You’d be a prime target, you would.”
“And,” the first guard interjects, “we’re stretched pretty thin as it is. Gobs have been running around the past three nights. We kill a few and the rest just scatter back to their dark holes and wait for us to relax.”
“They been stealing things, they has,” Lazy says. “Food, clothes, tools. They even beat a constable on patrol to death with cobbles and stole everything he had! That’s why we don’t go out alone any more, we don’t. A pack o’ them’ll sneak up on you before you know it if there’s no one to watch your back.”
Goblins definitely like to sneak, but they aren’t necessarily good at it. You just have to know what to look and listen for. And you do know. The soft scuffing of their bare feet on the stones, the short sharp breaths that they take. Even the smell is enough to give away the location of a group of goblins.
When dealing with goblins there are two tactics that can be employed. The first is safer. Simply keep your ears, eyes, and nose open and when you spot them, point at them and make a lot of noise. Goblins don’t like confrontation and they will almost always get clear of the area.
The second is more fun. Again, keep your ears, eyes and nose open. Then, when you spot them, pretend like you haven’t. As they sneak up, you prepare your counter-attack, catching them off guard and usually slaying a few of them.
“If you go in,” the first guard says, “you go in alone. We can’t leave the gate unguarded. Ya’ still wanna go in?”
What do you want to do? Answer: Go in the fun way.
“Well,” he says, “it’s not exactly, uh, safe in the, uh, city right now.” The guard begins to shift uneasily under your gaze. You have discovered in your travels that one way to intimidate these city dwellers is to make eye contact for a long period of time, something that is completely normal in your culture. At first this was accidental; you just didn’t understand the social norms of people outside of Ralas Than. Now, however, you’ve learned to use this simple trick to make people think twice about whether to mess with you.
The guard takes a step back and looks over at the gate, happy to break the eye contact. “You see, we have to guard the gate to keep any more o’ them little bastards from sneaking into the city.”
You frown. “Illegitimate children have been sneaking into the city…?” Sometimes you just don’t understand human culture. In Ralas Than a bastard, an incredibly rare occurrence, is ceremonially castrated and raised as a priest. In your experience it seems humans send them to orphanages to be raised in squalor and thievery.
“What’r you talking ‘bout?” the guard asks.
“Not bastards,” the second guard (the lazy one) says. He holds his hand at mid-thigh. “Gobs,” he says. “Ya’ know? Little folk? Beady red eyes like a rabbit, sharp teeth like a dog? Cowards and packrats, they is.”
“Oh,” you say, realization setting in. “You mean goblins have been sneaking into the city. Why didn’t you just say so?” you ask.
“But, I did say so!” The first guard is looking at you like you must be soft in the head.
“Anyway,” the lazy guard says, “it ain’t exactly safe on the streets right abou’ now. Gobs love to come out at night, they do, picking out thems that are all alone. You’d be a prime target, you would.”
“And,” the first guard interjects, “we’re stretched pretty thin as it is. Gobs have been running around the past three nights. We kill a few and the rest just scatter back to their dark holes and wait for us to relax.”
“They been stealing things, they has,” Lazy says. “Food, clothes, tools. They even beat a constable on patrol to death with cobbles and stole everything he had! That’s why we don’t go out alone any more, we don’t. A pack o’ them’ll sneak up on you before you know it if there’s no one to watch your back.”
Goblins definitely like to sneak, but they aren’t necessarily good at it. You just have to know what to look and listen for. And you do know. The soft scuffing of their bare feet on the stones, the short sharp breaths that they take. Even the smell is enough to give away the location of a group of goblins.
When dealing with goblins there are two tactics that can be employed. The first is safer. Simply keep your ears, eyes, and nose open and when you spot them, point at them and make a lot of noise. Goblins don’t like confrontation and they will almost always get clear of the area.
The second is more fun. Again, keep your ears, eyes and nose open. Then, when you spot them, pretend like you haven’t. As they sneak up, you prepare your counter-attack, catching them off guard and usually slaying a few of them.
“If you go in,” the first guard says, “you go in alone. We can’t leave the gate unguarded. Ya’ still wanna go in?”
What do you want to do? Answer: Go in the fun way.